I want to first off say thank you to those of you who have been supporting me these last few weeks during this rough patch. I couldn't have made it this far without people like you.

(I might be doing a bit of rambling on, so bare with me.)

I've been doing a lot of contemplating, torturing myself, and just being down right angry these last few weeks. I haven't been in a good place unfortunately. I have had a few unfortunate hardships that made me just take a step back from my journey and what I'm trying to accomplish here. It has left me with being exhausted and frustrated. In regards to this weight loss journey that I have embarked on, I decided to not weigh in again until the 1/1/10. I am focusing way too much on the numbers and not the overall health benefits that come from losing weight. I feel that I'm not in the right frame of mind to get on the scale right now. I'm honestly okay with that. My only goal is to be in a "normal" weight range by 2/2/10. I started to faithfully keep track of my weight loss efforts on that date last year. I think this is reasonable and achievable. I have to keep reminding myself that this process doesn't happen overnight. There is no time limit that I have to keep. I need to do this one day at a time, one pound at a time. I've been through so much in my 30 years on this earth, that this weight loss thing can't defeat me. I won't let it. I'm better than that.

Well, I'm off to go exercise( I usually workout at night)now since the undefeated New Orleans Saints have a game tonight!!!13-0, hoping to continue the winning streak by destroying the poor Dallas Cowboys who are know for a string of bad luck during the month of December:P

Look for me to keep updating my emotional progress on my journey and the big weigh-in on the 1st of the year.

Dee~

This week has been absolutely horrible. It started when the snow came, the van had a flat, and a few days later, we had to replace the car battery. Along with those little obstacles, I thought that I was going to be receiving some life changing news. Well the good news turned out to be not so good news, I ate and ate and ate and then cried cried cried. Why did I let my emotions take over? I haven't exercised since Monday. I'm so disappointed in myself. I totally lost control. I just blew it. I don't know why I'm getting so close to my goal and then taking a billion steps back. What the hell is wrong with me??Why can't I get a grip all of a sudden??How can I call myself a role model to my children??I'm just plain angry. Its also that time of the month. Just great. Just what I need. Bloating, mood swings, and fatigue. None of which are helpful at this point. I just feel so out of whack. I honestly don't know how to pick up the pieces. I can't believe one little thing has done so much damage:/

Dee~

I need to start doing this so I won't fall off as much as I have in the last few weeks. So here goes:

1.Exercise 2x per day
2. Drink at least 120 oz. of water per day
3. Go to bed before 11pm
4. Eat within my calorie range of 1400 calories
5. Use food journal daily
6. Do ab exercises during every workout

I feel that most of these goals are doable. I can't wait to see if I accomplish them all by the end of the week. Wish me luck!!

Dee~

Well if you couldn't tell by the title, I gained weight. I weighed in at 146.4, which is 1.1lbs. up from last Saturday. I'm okay with it. I know what I did wrong, so now I should concentrate on rectifying that instead of digging a deep hole for myself. I just don't think it will serve me any purpose to be angry about a number all weekend. I'm to a point where I actually don't mind looking at myself in the mirror. I'm more confident then ever. I'm GOING to step it up a notch this week. My gift to myself this Christmas is to be at a "normal" weight. I want nothing else except that. I don't think I'm going to take the weekend off from exercise. I'm so close to my goal. I just can't give up now. I don't want to be feeling like crap at the beginning of 2010. I don't want to "start over" again. Its just not acceptable. I'm better than that.

I'm going to head out and do some shopping. I'm going to look into buying a sit up bench as well. I hope you all have a great weekend. Much success at your next weigh-in;)

Dee~

I love my children dearly but I think they seriously were trying to have me declared insane. If it wasn't my 3 year old daughter Ayannia peeing on the floor, it was my baby girl Saiya clinging to me like velcro. I'm so freakin' tired. Now I have to clean up the lunch mess, workout, put another load in the wash, then get everyone ready to go to my 7 yr. old son Malique's school tonight to make a Gingerbread house. My four year old Kaine is overly chatty these days. When his sister doesn't want to play, he tries to force her to play. WTF??The weather isn't helping much either. My baby girl was diagnosed with pneumonia on Tuesday(she has not been herself one bit:/)so not much outside activity is going to happen since its in the low 20s today. I need a freakin' break. I really hope this stress doesn't affect my weigh-in tomorrrow. UGH!!!!I love my children!! I love my children!! I love my children!!

Dee~

I added 9 more pounds to my ticker, which would bring me down to 129.2. I'm only 5'2, so I want to make sure that I look healthy. Some of the recommendations I've came across on the internet, say I should be at 115. I think that's a bit much. My 7 year old is 60 lbs. lol. I'm not sure why, but when I initially changed my ticker, I frowned. It feels like I just dragged myself back a few paces. I know that's not really what I'm doing. I'm not sure if those 9lbs. will make a difference or not, but I would sure like to find out. The ultimate goal is to live a healthier lifestyle;).

I've been searching for a few days now for an online exercise tracker that can be used on my blog but I've found NOTHING! I can't believe that isn't available. I don't want to continue to using my text log because eventually it will be a mile long. I would like something that revolves and looks simple. I'm sick of looking for one!!IF you have one, PLEASE let me know. Thanks!

Dee~

Weigh-in: 145.3
Weight loss: 2.9!!
Only 9.3 lbs to go:)

I just knew that after last week's weak moment, that I had totally ruined any chance of losing weight. I just wasn't giving a crap for a few days. I beat myself up really hard about it too. Well, as it turns out, exercise really does work!!! I can't believe I lost so much. I was expecting a gain or breaking even. I must have squealed for about five minutes after I weighed in lol. My husband was shocked too;)I actually LOST weight during Thanksgiving week. I didn't think that was even possible. I owe it all to my food scale. If something ever happened to it, I think I would go insane. Its definitely the key to my weight loss success. I don't think I would have gotten this far without it. I really gave it my all with my workouts though(If you look on the left and scroll down a little, you'll see what I did this week). I really hate to cut this short, but I must tend to my family and get some breakfast going. I hope you all enjoy the rest of this long weekend:)

Dee~

Today, we all gave thanks for various reasons. I have so much to be grateful for.

An amazing husband and father that loves me unconditionally. He's my best friend and I adore him.

I have four beautiful healthy children that I wouldn't be able to go a day without hugging or kissing. They are my world.

I have a roof over my head and food in the pantry. We all tend to take those things for granted. People in different parts of the world can't say the same......

I have parents who have been married for 30 years and taught me the true meaning of marriage.

I have two siblings who I talk to daily. We've always been close:)

In regards to eating today, I did great!!! Having a food scale really did the trick. I ate 1529 in total today. I feel so happy about that. I prepared everything the healthy way and I even had dessert TWICE. I feel amazing and just plain happy right now. I even exercised earlier. I would never have thought that I would be working out on a holiday!!

Well I'm going to go and enjoy the remainder of the night with my hubby since the kids are asleep. I hope that everyone had a great day surrounded by family, friends, and love:)

Dee~

That's one word to describe what I'm doing to myself and this weight loss journey. For the last two days, I just haven't committed myself to my goals at all. Why with 12 lbs. left, I've decided to do this? Why am I not taking responsibility for my actions? Why haven't I worked out in two days? Why am I doing this???Ughhhhhhh:/ Its like I'm purposely throwing in the towel. What am I afraid of? Is it being "normal"? Is it not being able to hide under my XL winter coat that is too big for me now? I have so many questions about myself but I don't know where to find the answers that I'm looking for. I'm not certain if its the weather that's just throwing me off course(been raining and been stuck home with a sick child), but this isn't a good place to be in mentally. This just freakin' bites! I need to get a grip before this gets out of control........


Dee~